The first of two parts.

It's about to get a lot weirder.

The Internet allowed people to look for dates while sitting in their underwear in front of their computers. Now, they can look for dates while sitting in their underwear in front of their TVs.

A year later, I thought I was over it. I thought I had learned from the mistakes I made with her. I thought I would never have to think about it again.

And then the e-mail came from 1800FLOWERS.com. Like a ghost from my past, the subject line read: "A Reminder for Sara's Birthday."

Ahh, the flowers. The fateful flowers I ordered from 1800FLOWERS.com exactly one year ago.

I watched a man putting on his shirt outside the bar, and my eyes were magnetically drawn to his belly.

I was here for a singles event sponsored by the Delaware Valley chapter of BBW and Admirers -- that's Big Beautiful Women and their admirers -- and I was trying to find out who was part of the group and
who was here just hanging out at the bar.

And that's why I was checking out bellies. I didn't want to approach
someone and say, "Hey, are you here for the BBW event?" It would be
offensive to insinuate that someone is heavy and looking for other
similarly heavy partners, right?

Even though I write a column about my countless failures with the opposite sex, people continue to ask me for advice about getting that guy or girl.

That's fine. Who doesn't like giving an opinion about someone else's personal life?

But when I give the standard answers -- play it cool, don't seem too eager -- I get the same response: "I hate playing games."

Being a single guy without a date at a wedding can be excruciating.

First, unlike your buddy who is getting married, you're faced with the realization that another week has gone by and you aren't cementing a lifelong partnership with anybody, let alone the love of your life.

Not only that, but you don't even have a date to sit next to as the whole thing goes down. Even if you wanted to pretend to direct emotional energy toward someone during this moment, you can't.

Fortunately, I've been single at a number of good friends' weddings recently. Through it all, I've come up with a survival guide.

James Dean must be turning in his grave.

Apparently, if you're a modern man looking to attract women, that
tough guy white T-shirt has to stay in the drawer.

Pink is now the way to go.

Did I overstep with the cat toy?

That's exactly what I wanted to ask her after the second date.

The dreaded second date: What exactly is supposed to happen? You've made it to the first date. You've even made it past the first date.

When you buy a woman off the Internet, you don't really expect the two of you will live happily ever after.

That's why I was shocked to find myself talking on the phone for nearly an hour to a woman on a Pacific island whom I had purchased for $40 just three months earlier.

I was nervous. I was so nervous that I was making my hands sweaty because I was nervous that my hands were getting sweaty.

After all, this was no ordinary date. This was Blaire Allison. The Blaire Allison.

"Hey Matt, congratulations."

That was all I needed to hear, people. But, no!

This week marks a year since this column began, and I haven't received a single call, e-mail or card wishing me a happy anniversary.