It hadn't been a good night.

I had spent half of it standing in my boxer shorts under a dripping shower trying to scrub mildew. I spent the other trying to defrost my freezer (I had never done it before and my hands were cold and my kitchen floor was flooded).

It was an ugly scene, but cleaning is normally what I do after getting burned by a female. It's therapeutic because it makes me feel like my life is in order, even if it's not.

Ashton Kutcher is doing it and he's on MTV. So it must be cool, right? 

 
Kutcher, 25, is dating 41-year-old actress Demi Moore. When the news broke, the media declared the phenomenon of older women dating younger men the latest craze.

Who am I not to jump on the bandwagon?

Is that inner sexual demon waiting to bust out? Do you secretly harbor desires to be an object of sexual devotion? Or do you simply want some attention?

If so, Halloween just may be your lucky day.

There are some tacit agreements men and women have made with each other.

We’ve agreed to make the move in approaching you; you’ve agreed to be civil to us if you think we’re cute.

We’ve agreed to ask for your phone number; you’ve agreed to call us back if you like us.

We’ve agreed to pay for the first date; you’ve agreed to contact us afterward via phone, e-mail or smoke signal to say, simply, “Thank you."

Like a big, fat "LOSER" sign on our heads, we were branded the moment we paid our $30 and walked into the bar.

Held at Carmella's in Manayunk -- the trendy neighborhood in West Philly that I had heard was teeming with young women -- this singles event offered food, Yuengling, wine and some tequila Cosmopolitan concoction in a plastic martini glass.

Food, women and booze -- sounded like a good deal. But the moment we stepped in the door, we were marked: A bright blue wristband was affixed to our arm, entitling us to the goodies but nonetheless denoting our singleness to the regular Happy Hour crowd.

It is the bible of the modern woman: A compilation of every ladies' room giggling session, gossipy phone conversation and drunken girls'-night-out.

The bible is found on 30 minutes of HBO every Sunday night. And it would provide the answers I needed about the opposite sex.

The bible is Sex in the City, a series about women in New York, and there is perhaps no single cultural entity with greater influence among women today. Just like the magazine Maxim, which acts as a playbook for men, Sex in the City is a playbook for women.

And while I had seen the show before, I hadn't watched it in the right environment -- with real women who could decipher the biblical code.