I'm just hoping the museum exhibits about men are at least somewhat favorable.

Because dudes are done.

We've outlived our usefulness, purpose and relevancy, and soon enough we're going to go the way of the human appendix and the eight-track player.

And once we become extinct, I'm fearful women really aren't going to care. Sure, they may put up an exhibit at the natural history museum, or do a special on Lifetime. 

But other than that, will they even notice? The only things we've ever been good for -- procreation, protection and making cash -- can now be done by women themselves.

Mrs. Schorr, my 10th-grade biology teacher (who mercifully gave me a C), was wrong: Men do NOT have to be in the same room -- they don't even have to be alive -- for women to get preggers.

That's because sperm banks are increasingly popular options for 30- and 40-something women who have exhausted the dating scene and want to become a Mom regardless of the availability of a Dad.

More than 80,000 artificial inseminations are performed in America each year, according to the Food & Drug Administration, with single women and lesbian couples making up the majority of clientele. It seems if enough men take the cash and load up the sperm banks, baby matter could be frozen for the rest of time.

And then there are the ongoing experiments. Cloning, if allowed to continue, could sideline men more quickly. And beyond that, scientists have reported that genetically engineered mice can reach adulthood through "parthenogenesis," in which a female egg develops into a live birth without male fertilization.

Meanwhile, even babies who come into the world the traditional way don' t necessarily grow up with men around. In 2004, 32 percent of births were to unmarried women, and in 2005 there were 10.4 million single mothers living with their kids, according to the Census.

Many of those kids still become functioning members of society because society itself is increasingly gender neutral, and therefore the "male influence" is less important. Is there really such a thing as "manly" anymore?

I still carry the groceries for my girlfriend, but that's out of chivalry, not necessity. If a kitchen pipe burst in my apartment, I certainly wouldn't fix it, or even look under the sink. I'd hire someone to fix it -- and that someone could be a woman.

Even jars are pretty easy to open these days, and women have been let in on the secret: If you pour hot water on it and bang it on the counter, it'll open pretty easily.

What's worse, the recent proliferation of women's football leagues proves men aren't even needed to provide physically brutal entertainment.

We even look obsolete -- we've got hair in places we clearly no longer need hair now that we've passed the hunter-gatherer stage.

And our more aggressive personalities aren't suited to modern living -- we make up a whopping 93 percent of the American prison population, according to federal stats.

As for using our relatively larger bodies to protect the fairer sex, forget it. Men are more likely to get shot in the United States than women -- 79 percent of murder victims are male -- so having a man accompany you down a street is more of a liability than a comfort.

Financially, women still don't earn as much as men, but there's evidence women are more responsible with the money they have. Single women are now buying homes at a faster rare than single men, according to the National Association of Realtors. They are "settling down" without men, even though men were once considered central to the whole "settling down" thing.

In fact, since my girlfriend makes more money than I do, if we were to a buy a place I'd be more of a drain on her than anything else.

So forget every apocalyptic movie you've seen. Because before the computers revolt and ruin society, before the Martians land here and shoot us with lasers, before genetically modified ants take over the food supply, women are going to realize men are no longer needed, and they'll kick us out.

Gentlemen, pack your bags and kiss your wives. Because we're not coming back.

This column appeared in the Courier-Post and Gannett newspapers nationwide.